My Shanghai 我的上海 3-5/2019

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I returned to Shanghai again after the Chinese New Year in 2019, this time having a bigger appreciation of the changes there since I last left for Malaysia, the Baltic, the Balkans, and Africa. I forced-packed into my tight carry-on bag four big oranges and three big carrots I could not finish, carrying them through the airports, clearing multiple security, on and off the subways, buses, taxis, into and out of the toilets, to finally ease them into my fridge in Shanghai, bruised but still healthy. It would have been sacrilegious to let them rot in the fridge back home.

As a recluse, more accurately a snob, I have no friends and no neighbors, so I could not give them away. I got the inspiration from Dennis, a muscular German young man I met in Africa. One day, Dennis cooked me a vegetarian curry. I curiously asked him where he got his stuff, because I did not see him at the supermarket. He said he carried with him his curry, lentils, etc. when he left his last permanent base in Namibia to travel around Africa. He did not want to waste them. This is a guy that would pay for a helicopter ride for a scenic flight but would carry his leftovers on his back all over Africa, over thousands of miles. Dennis carried an enormous backpack around Africa, almost like a fridge on his back.

It’s so convenient living in Shanghai. The only thing inconvenient is to have to check the air quality index before stepping out, and wear a face mask on most days when outdoors. The smog chokes my nostrils and my lungs. Even my eyes have grown to appreciate gray sky, not blue.

春节后又回到上海。一年多来周游巴尔干各国，波罗的地区，马来西亚， 非洲后更能体验到上海的变化。从吉隆玻我将剩余的三根大萝卜和四粒大橙子硬挤入爆满的小背包，过关过安检，上车下车，上地铁下地铁， 上车下车，上机下机， 上厕下厕，好不容易拎到上海。这灵感还要说到我在非洲碰到的德国义工小伙丹尼斯。有一晚刚到博兹瓦纳的一个营地，丹尼斯给我们烧了一锅咖喱。我问他没到商场哪来那么多食料。他解释说离开纳米比亚最后那份工作后，为了不浪费，索性把这些食料全背走。丹尼斯可是个大块头，看他背着那背包使我想起国内搬家工人把整个冰箱背上楼情景，他可真是背着整个家在非洲自游的。虽来自德国，丹尼斯可是省吃俭用，又做义工，四肢发达， 头脑不简单，真材实料，值得学习。

在上海生活的确很便利，除了那压抑的雾霾天气。每天出门前我都先上网查看空气质量指数，外出常带着防毒口罩，灰胜于蓝， 几乎受不了那假蓝天。奇怪的是路上戴口罩的人还不多，问过的都说已习惯了。应该说细菌已习惯我们，我们可未必习惯他们。若干年后就知晓谁习惯谁了。

Such a beehive of activity. I could be nostalgic about my many lackadaisical days in the Balkans, the Baltics, Malaysia, or Africa, but China was definitely more fast-paced, more fun. Everywhere I looked, whether they were walking, standing, or sitting, the people’s heads droop like table lamps; hypnotized by their cell phones, their eyes glued to their phones, as they rush toward their destinations. They do not even bother to look up as they navigate the heavy pedestrian traffic. Chips are implanted in the people so they move like self-driving cars.

They are so full of drive here it was crazy. People in the West consume excessive sugar, high energy stuff, gulp coffee and alcohol, and if that’s not enough to get hyper, they smoke vegetables‚ tobacco, weed, or whatever, then blow their brains off with extremely loud music. Okay, I am trivializing it a bit—there indeed are many driven by noble ideals. Here, though, millions move around at godspeed, all fed by the insatiable appetite for that tantalizing gold, for now.

It’s not a heartless city, though. At a fruit shop, I picked four bananas and asked the shop assistant if they tasted any good. He asked me to try one. I couldn’t bring myself to try one to buy three. He peeled it anyway, so I had no choice. It is unnecessary to go all bananas about the economics, but this encounter sure made me feel at home. Okay, he did ask me a few days before if I was a singer. I laughed it off. I guess I did not protest hard enough. This reminds me of a contrasting experience I had in a fruit shop in Spain. I took an apple and asked the lady boss how much. She beamed that look of displeasure, gestured “No! No! No!. Touching the fruits in the fruit shop is a no-no there. I felt like I had done what Adam did, plucking the forbidden fruit.

Age is catching up. I find my constitution now less than robust. The energy, water, and gas work are all leaking to varying degrees. So, when I am out and about, I have to frequent a KFC, just to use their washroom. On any given day, old ladies do their knitting here, young children do their homework, tired adults dozed off with their faces on the tables. Once I saw a young, prettily dressed girl, plastic gloves on her hands, literally tearing into a whole roast chicken still sitting in a meditative position in a rolled-back plastic bag. I guessed she didn’t fancy their chicken, so she brought her own. Nobody minded, nobody fussed. KFC is really not just about the chicken. They serve chicken; they serve the community.

On another occasion, as I was ushered to my table in a Hong Kong-style restaurant, a man was hard at work using a spoon to scoop into a big half-watermelon, as big as a basketball, still sitting in a rolled-back plastic bag. I couldn’t make out whether he was there to dine or simply looking for a place to eat his melon.

This part of the world is more than a dog-eat-dog world. It’s also a man-eat-dog world; Ok, maybe much less now. We also relish roast pigeons. I must stress that we are not the enemy of the people even if we eat man’s best friend and mankind’s symbol of peace. Great strides have been made; we are just beginning to feel not so hungry. While riding in a Kenyan taxi, a local man remarked with amusement that the Chinese eat crabs. It seems the Kenyans have better things to eat. We love our crab in China, especially the hairy type. Come to China when it’s in season, and you will see their limbs tied, visibly stacked up in refrigerated display cabinets in the restaurants while awaiting their numbers to be called, chilled to barely alive, then steamed live and whole. The civilized, well-dressed patrons, after all the civility and pleasantry, rip them apart, sucking the flesh out of them. We don’t even bother to shave them. As far as we are concerned, everything is fair game, except our own kind.

Then there are the sea cucumber, the century egg, the stinky tofu, among other traditional delicacies. The Chinese cook with a lot more different food materials than many cuisines, hyping it up with imagination. This will be where gluttons die happy. And it keeps getting better. The country is already sending probes into outer space for frontier materials. It’s only a matter of time before they cook up something really heavenly.

春节后又回到上海。一年多来周游巴尔干各国，波罗的地区，马来西亚， 非洲后更能体验到上海的变化。从吉隆玻我将剩余的三根大萝卜和四粒大橙子硬挤入爆满的小背包，过关过安检，上车下车，上地铁下地铁， 上车下车，上机下机， 上厕下厕，好不容易拎到上海。这灵感还要说到我在非洲碰到的德国义工小伙丹尼斯。有一晚刚到博兹瓦纳的一个营地，丹尼斯给我们烧了一锅咖喱。我问他没到商场哪来那么多食料。他解释说离开纳米比亚最后那份工作后，为了不浪费，索性把这些食料全背走。丹尼斯可是个大块头，看他背着那背包使我想起国内搬家工人把整个冰箱背上楼情景，他可真是背着整个家在非洲自游的。虽来自德国，丹尼斯可是省吃俭用，又做义工，四肢发达， 头脑不简单，真材实料，值得学习。

在上海生活的确很便利，除了那压抑的雾霾天气。每天出门前我都先上网查看空气质量指数，外出常带着防毒口罩，灰胜于蓝， 几乎受不了那假蓝天。奇怪的是路上戴口罩的人还不多，问过的都说已习惯了。应该说细菌已习惯我们，我们可未必习惯他们。若干年后就知晓谁习惯谁了。

无论在哪里，行走， 站立，还是坐着，人们好像都给那手机给催眠了。像桌灯一样， 人们总是低头盯着手机，在拥挤人群中穿梭根本不需抬头。派送员到处鼠窜送餐和物品，公寓大门前络绎不绝的派送员和他们的电瓶车卸货送货。我向往波罗的，巴尔干，非洲的悠闲步骤， 但这里热闹旺气。涌涌人潮如机械人冲动快速穿梭自如，毫无疑问他们已被植入晶片，如无人车自动行驶。时代在变， 变得惊人，惊人的快。我不该离开太久，变得又老又土。

这股劲是很吓人的。 人们都吃了什么？洋人一餐基本就血淋淋吃掉了一只小牛，大块大块核能量的甜品使劲嘴里塞，之后熔浆般巧克力和原油般的浓咖啡往后口里倒，没完没了之际，到酒吧灌个天花乱醉。如此时如还未入仙境，就熏了野草用心脏猛抽，再结一帮猪朋狗友派对随摇滚摇摆。西方的这股劲就是这样来的。当然这只是我的无厘头智慧，不得不承认他们有无数是为高尚的理想奋斗。在这里，窜动的人头在无缝空间里昼夜不停操劳，这股惊人的劲，就来自对那黄金屋， 那颜如玉的饥饿感。我们也会更高大尚的。快了。

这可不是个没人情味的地方。在经常路过的水果店我选了四根香蕉， 问店老二香蕉好不好。他说你拿根尝尝。我怎忍心叫他买三赔一呢。没顾及我感受他扒了一条递给我，我无奈领了。得承认几天前他曾经问我是不是歌星，我当时确没勇气使他失望。我们跟老外文化还是不一样。几年前我在西班牙一水果店拿起一粒苹果问老板娘多少钱，她闪着怒视目光， 打了“NO! NO! NO” 的手势。触摸果店水果是不容许的。我当时还以为我错把伊甸园的禁果摘了下来。

岁月无情，我发现我水，气，能，都不时外泄，因此，在家附近我经常光顾肯德基洗手间。在这些快餐厅里，老太太刺绣，小朋友作业，男女老幼趴在桌面午睡,  享受香喷喷炸鸡香味的空调。这不是单纯卖鸡的，这是个社区，折射人们日常奋斗。

有一回我又到这肯德基用洗手间，一个打扮漂亮的小姑娘带着塑料手套，她桌上乖乖坐着一整只打包进来的烤鸡，还在半巻回的塑料袋里打坐，她慢慢的把这烤鸡一块一块分尸，吃到吮手指。 她不是来踢馆，没人计较， 没太多讲究，一切顺其自然的融合。在一家热闹香港餐厅服务员带我入座时经过一饭桌，桌上放着像半个篮球大的西瓜，还在塑料袋内蹲着，一年轻小伙手持一大勺子，在使劲苦挖这大西瓜。他这西瓜跟着粤餐厅有何瓜葛？

西方人不是说华人好像什么都吃吗？不错， 我们曾连狗，人类最好朋友都做为桌上餐，白鸽，人类和平的象征当佳肴。我们不是人类公敌， 我们的确饿得太久了。在肯尼亚碰到一位税务专家不解为何华人连螃蟹都吃，反倒他们有选择，没必要吃螃蟹。以前老祖中饥不择食，现在应该说我们不大挑食，也不暴殄天物，只要吃不死的， 哦，该说吃了不马上死的，我们都会吃得津津乐道。越是稀缺的就越津津有味。路过餐厅时我经常看着在冰箱里八肢被绳裹得像粽子般的毛蟹，动弹不得的在冰箱发抖，上上下下四面八方都给同病相怜的兄弟挤得无法喘气，然后被拣选泡高温桑拿，就在大家谈笑风生大高潮中被一一分尸，那八肢逐一的吸干。 我们没任何羞愧， 只有快感。

当然还有不少其他自然恩赐的珍品，大多老外都色没那品味欣赏， 如海参，皮蛋，臭豆腐，虽然有些口感跟橡皮筋差不多， 味道如口臭， 色相如泥潭。这就是华人的境界， 在吃这方面完全能超越任何心理障碍。这趟回来商场里餐厅如林，应有尽有， 不只选择多了， 品味也大大提升。就算住不起， 吃也要吃得痛快。就算在减肥的年代，大家都知道保重，这是老祖宗几千年的智慧，至今没变。

One wonderful thing that has happened is how Shanghai has transformed itself into a cycling-friendly city, with dedicated lanes. I love the sprawling subway that has almost no waiting time, but would love to see them extend service time around the clock so people could party till they drop. So inner-city transportation is really great. I can’t wait for the cars to be electrified. My lungs are crying out for fresh air.

As I moved around the city, I could not help wondering how pretty those male models and actors were, as they appeared on billboards, with bleached-white skin, bumkin-seed faces, clean-shaven, dandy and spotless, glossy lips. Gone were the days they sported stubby facial hair, cigarettes hanging from their mouths, macho and all that. How tastes have changed, even here.

The apartments’ quiet front porches were now transformed into a bustling unloading bay by delivery scooters throughout the day. Delivery men constantly rang the front gate and buzzed the intercom, trying to deliver their stuff. Everything can be delivered to your doorstep pronto. A delivery person mistakenly knocked on my door to deliver two cups of coffee. They did not even smell like cat poo, the expensive type. I am sure even a toilet roll could be delivered to your toilet while you are at it. All deliverables are deliverable here.

I used to pay cash or, when I chose to impress, I’d whip out my gold credit card. It does not work too well here. Phone payment is in vogue and most common. Just point your personal QR code in your phone at the merchant’s reader, or scan their QR code with your phone, and the transaction will be done in a flash. No need to flash your card. For too long we have been brainwashed about our credit cards: “Don’t leave home without it.” The time has arrived, simply, don’t leave home. Almost everything can be delivered to your doorstep.

I sit at Starbucks with regularity, faking to enjoy coffee. This is also a place to capture a bit of the Chinese life. Tiger mums roaring at their poor kids over complex maths and other serious subjects, teens immersed in study with their earphones on, adults learning new languages. These usually hit peak hours after 3 p.m., when the children are released from school, and over the weekend. It’s either business or study; not all are ready to take a break, not even while having coffee. One-point-three billion people who seem relentless in pursuing success. I prefer a big heart over a fast brain, but hopefully possess both.

中国一向来就是自行车王国， 可是近年来随着汽车大行其道，把自行车给挤到外围了。这两次回来惊讶发现自行车强势回归，有了自己的车道， 这就对了。虽然需要带上口罩， 自行车带来的自由使我重新爱上上海。很多同胞说道，你不是有几分臭钱莫，骑这烂铁！自由呀！这是要一种境界的回归才了解的。还有那四通八达的地铁， 如能二十四小时营运，给我们更多疯狂的时光就太好了。快了，有朝一日汽车尾气也变得清新，这霾如煤气抢人，让他们赶紧充电吧！

电视剧的男演员，广告模特怎么都摇身变得漂亮了。以往那阳刚魁梧，黝黑皮肤已OUT!了。取而代之的是秀气的小鲜肉，白泽皮肤，樱桃小嘴，修饰得比高尔夫草皮还整的眉毛， 好像审美口味也变了。

什么网购都可送到门。有一天一派送员错送两杯咖啡到家门口， 闻起来也不像猫屎，平凡的两杯咖啡岂也可送到门？整天公寓大门前就是络绎不绝的派送员和电瓶车卸货和送餐。都宅在家里不出门了，这生活习惯正翻天覆地的变化。

十几年来持有张银行的金卡，是我唯一炫耀身份的法宝。好了，最近发现有些地方还不买我的账，信用卡也开始OUT啦。现在盛行手机付款，手机跟对方相互鞠个躬账就结了，太方便了。是时候换上镶金的手机了，信用卡可以淘汰，地位不能降级，这华人的脸还要撑的。

在家里呆得不耐烦了我经常到星巴克发呆。这也是体验上海生活的好地方。常见虎妈指着数学课本对着幼崽吼叫；少年眼前厚厚课本，戴着耳机喃喃自语学习或为出国备战；成人学习外语汉文，谈生意。大家都在学习，都在追梦。小小就读了四本书五本经，我只能自叹不如，至今只读了一本圣经，因此思维一本正经。这是个强大的文化。只要我们不只知书又达理，加上宽大的胸怀， 就会势不可挡。

Wi-Fi is very accessible and cheap in Shanghai. It is available for free in almost all restaurants, cafes, and malls. I signed up for a one-year cell phone contract with a monthly fee of Rmb38 (less than USD6) and was gifted with unlimited broadband at home. With a huge portion of the 1.3 billion people connected, a people totally consumed with education, born with a tireless and hungry disposition, linguistically sophisticated and articulate, that’s BIG BIG data being churned out, indeed. And with artificial intelligence, the unleashing of this human nuclear energy will be earth-changing. It will be insane!

This is a super-safe city with little street crime. Only flies get swatted. I was riding in the subway and, all of a sudden, as it happens often, an elderly woman started yelling at a young girl. After a brief moment, the girls retorted and raised the volume as it went on. The lady went on and on until the girl’s boyfriend overpowered her with his own crescendo. The subway was packed, and a few tried to pacify the situation. This is normally as far as it gets, only because someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. We call it an interesting day because we got a free show.

I could be an exhibitionist wearing a blinding gold ingot pendant; nobody even bothers to look. They probably think, what a show-off! They most likely look at my expensive Rolex and jewelry and assume they are fakes, anyway. Mercedes and BMWs are too common. The Joneses are now driving Porsches and Maseratis; don’t bother keeping up. This is a land inundated with milk, honey, and money. Nothing here impresses them. There are many more with more. Oh, I don’t have to worry about my cell phones being snatched, as I did in Latin America and Africa. If you come here to impress, whip out one of those old cell phones as big as a brick in a packed subway, then speak loudly into the phone, “Honey, I just booked my one-way ticket to Mars. I can’t live without you, but I must leave without you.” Otherwise, be low-key.

When I complained to my doctor the Earth was not spinning consistently, he promptly ordered a couple of tests. After the first scan result, I played it safe by checking into the local public hospital. With no bed available, I checked into the ICU, among the stroke and Alzheimer patients. Many had to be fed and dry-cleaned by the maids, often without the curtains being drawn. I went through many tests and scans, and the operator started plunging enormous spokes into my two legs. After the big needle was deeply in place, she wriggled it to find that sweet spot, then commanded I tighten my muscles as hard I could, as she plunged the oversize needle up the entire length of my legs. Finally, almost with a hurrah, she jabbed it into my neck, coming out the other end; I felt like your Easter turkey. Not contented with that, as one last rite, she said she had to plunge what appeared to be a spear into my tongue. I wanted to flee, but she smiled sweetly and assured me it would not hurt as much. Hard to believe that a tongue full of sensors would not hurt as much, but she was right. Ok, I have to admit, I cried like a baby. The whole drama was merciless and brutal.

In this place, you see pain, indignity, death, but also love. Next to me was a bedridden old man, visited daily without fail by three grown daughters and the wife. They each took turns at his bedside, speaking to him like a little girl, caressed his face, he unintelligible and barely awake. Anyone could see they had been very close. Nurses looked after me well, probably because I was about the only one still somewhat intelligible. The Wi-Fi was good 24/7, because others were too sick to compete for its use. The washrooms were always available because the patients did it on their beds. I could from time to time hear murmurs outside from security: “Malaysian … foreigner … Malaysia … foreigner …” So I was kind of a topic of gossip and a star attraction as a foreigner.

After nine days, I limped out of the hospital like a three-legged guinea pig, exiting the indoor stifling air into the smoggy air outside, still feeling the Earth spinning inconsistently. Hospitals are very crowded, but they process them efficiently. I went home with a big bag of medication for consolation, and the memory of the nurses who kindly and professionally took care of me. I have tasted, as the Chinese say, the sweet, sour, bitter and spicy, of China life.

上海上网非常普及和实惠，在餐厅咖啡厅商场基本都可免费上网。我签一年移动电话套餐每月三十八元还赠送无限宽带，太疯狂了！十三亿的人口，千年深奥的共同语言，海量的大数据，智慧加以人工智能，这前景将会翻天覆地，一个不同的中国， 不同的世界！

这是个治安非常好的城市，除苍蝇被拍死外，街上犯罪率极其罕见。在拥挤地铁里， 忽然一大妈对一年轻姑娘大骂，一阵后，姑娘按捺不住， 也回骂了，大妈还是大嚷大叫，姑娘男朋友接着英雄救美把嗓子提到最大，借声波压倒大妈。我们， 包括几个老外看得目瞪口呆。在这里，好戏通常就到此为止，只是口水四溅， 不大会刀枪剑影。 我在街上行走时是没什顾虑的，在马来西亚不敢张扬的金银珠宝豪表在这而可无忌弹的招摇过市，人们看了还会暗地里说 “白痴，穿冒牌的冒牌”。这里家里有矿的土豪比比皆是，宝马奔驰连民工都不稀罕了。想到在拉美和非洲多国手机都不敢拿出来取景真是天堂地狱之别。如真要在这里吸引眼球，增加回头率，在挤满的地铁里口袋里掏出那二十年前像砖头那么大的手机，清晰大声回， “是，宝贝，去火星的单程火箭票已定，明年就走”。 不然，低调点。

最近当我跟医生诉苦地球旋转时快时慢，他马上安排我做些体描。 第一检测结果后我因怕死当时就入住监护病房。病房几乎住满老人，多为中风智呆神志不清不能自理病人， 都由阿姨和护士照料， 我喜欢， 至少不用自己烧饭，不用洗澡。这里的工作人员需要有强大的心怀。 能日复一日的带着笑容服侍这些病人，她们伟大，是天使。这是个凄凉的地方也是爱流露的地方。在我邻床是个中风病人只能发声不能说话，三个成年女儿不同时间探访，捂摸他脸，像慈母跟病儿温柔说话，流露的爱显示他病前跟孩子非常亲密。 在这里我几乎历经所有可检测的仪器， 其中一个医务人员在我的两脚从脚跟起把似长矛的大针无情的扎入脚里， 脸上露出虐待狂的笑容，扎入后将长矛原地不动左右摆动， 然后命令我把肌肉绷紧。从脚跟起沿脚往上身扎了无数针，扎完整条腿后看中我诱人颈项，把那长枪使劲狠狠一扎，我感觉似新疆肉串般给那铁扦给刺穿。没罢休， 她接着对我假温柔的说，把舌头伸出来！我这时已几乎尿裤了，问道，干嘛？她说要扎我舌头!  天啊，这舌头也可扎吗， 巫医？想拔足就跑，她才演戏般的流露温柔说， 没那么疼的， 乖。骗人！舌头不是尝尽人生甜酸苦辣的敏感器官吗，怎会不疼呢？最后还是给她捅了一矛。还真不大疼。我病床就在病房门内，经常听到外面私语 “马来西亚…..马来西亚人……马来西亚……外国人….” 我想他们对我还是充满好奇的。最后住到内裤都穿完了，只能恳请医生放人，九天后， 我像一只三只脚天竺鼠踏出医院，欢迎我回来的是扑鼻而来的雾霾，地球仍旧有点天旋地转 。这也是我人生一个难忘的体验， 一个上海内院的深切体验。鬼门关走了一趟回来，特别珍惜重见天日。

As I strolled in one of these big malls, a tall, white, handsome man, stylishly dressed, walked past, whistling at the top of his lungs, a tune that pierced the air in the acoustic hall: “Long ban…. long lou…., ……..” It was the famous tune “Shanghai Bund,” which so beautifully captures the spirit of Shanghai (Google and download it so you feel me). No matter how well done you are as a Chinese, or rare, or at best medium-rare like me, a steak is a steak, a Chinese is a Chinese. Even if you are not a steak, but wish you were; you will still find your place here.

I like coming back to China. I am just an infinitesimal element of the 1.3 billion people, no different from the next person. No constant bickering over religion and race. All we ever want to do is make more money, and if we step on your toes, we are sorry. I am a nobody. Nobody picks on a nobody. And that’s good for me.

在大商场无聊闲逛，一高大上老外穿着时髦休闲西装在空旷大堂轻盈阔步漫步，把肺充得满满的，心情特朗，吹着口哨，哨声在半空刺穿平静，“浪奔……..浪留……..万里滔滔江水永不休…….”。 神气十足，目中无人的大吹 ‘上海滩’，心里充满的，情不自禁喷出来了。这就是上海，海纳百川的上海。 无论你有多少华人气息，或只有五分熟，或丝毫没有，或做梦都希望自己是华人但又不幸没这优越基因，你都可在这找到家的感觉。

我喜欢回中国。我什么都不是，在十三亿人中我更微不足道。我喜欢我的渺小，我的平凡。没人看我不顺眼，没人挑我骨头。我过我孤独平静的日子，与世无争，只有我会给自己添烦恼，这最好不过了。